water bottle

primitivism

2009-08-31T18:12:00.001-07:00

this is good, i haven't even finished reading it

short attention span

but it is good

hehe

2009-08-31T17:21:00.001-07:00

college finding is hard when you feel really sorry for yourself and tell yourself 'you're clinically depressed' a lot

2009-08-30T19:21:00.000-07:00

- architect school seems "super-intense" and the myers-briggs type indicator said this was a good job for my type, it seems really cool to make buildings or something. however, i might not get in, and it might be terrible to have to do it the rest of my life, and i can't draw or understand math for shit- jk, i could understand math if i tried at all maybe, can you learn to draw precisely??

- go to like... some school and do ROTC and go in the army for 4 years and git rich

both these options involve discipline, although in architect school i have to cultivate it myself and military 'drills it into me', the latter being the easier option

ERGO GAYER

*interlude*

boooy. you're gonna CARRY that weight. CARRY that weight. a looooong tiiiime!

*interlude*

i feel amused at myself a lot, like i read my 'journal' today and giggled and wrote hehe in the margins, seems bad and asshole-ish, hehe

cleaned my room and trying to have a 'system for life' but am super bad at it sort of.

i'll type some examples

*quote from fake leather covered organizing notebook*

things to add to life*

exercise

bike to school

go on walks (re: summer 08)

body weight exercises

CCP sport

music

piano lessons

voice lessons

CCP choir

money: a job

other activities: cultural things

extracurriculars at CCP?

*break down into to-do lists for each day

*quote from fake leather covered organizing notebook*

today i was pretty good, but i didn't make any further organizational attempts besides cleaning, it's okay, i'll keep trying

stay focused on your goals

advice on getting into archictect school

list of all architect schools

this video seems like a slight od of fruit flavored lollipops

hipster runoff brandon scott gorrell olivia nosferatu ofelia hunt

2009-08-29T19:43:00.000-07:00

been having 'crazy-ass' dreams

seems like i am too 'deeply immersed' in 'everything in my life' to have 'any sort' of perspective

last night my dream was violent and 'passionate' with emotional shouting and abrupt things

i think 'how did my life get to this place' a lot

"After carefully researching his role, in the universe, as a depressed person with social problems, he wrote five books." -http://taolin.muxtape.com/

oh no

feel like...i should do that

seems like the right thing to do for me, like the things in my life and stuff have influenced me to like the kind of people best who do this and want to be one myself however

1. i would feel bad for imitating so severely, it seems bad to me to imitate that much, like i need to do things from my own brain or i won't agree, like maybe i don't agree but it seems validated and gentle so i'll do it anyway. however i could research my role in the universe in a very 'individual' way in fact it is a theme of existentialism 'hardly' unique to tao lin. kind have no idea what i'm talking about

2. seems really hard and 'kind of abstract' perhaps i am just saying that as a thing to like, 'put down' things i don't understand

seems like 'lately' i 'dont understand anything' because terribly lazy and never concentrate on anything for more than 2 seconds

feel a 'strong, deep sadness' that i wasn't born asian

'no, seriously,' sort of

feel like maybe i'm a terrible prostitute liar and my family hates me

feel like this is probably fact 80% sure this is fact

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww shitz

should i like, comment in lots of places with a new name

hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehheehe

2009-08-29T19:31:00.000-07:00

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKFUCKFUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

back to school panix

2009-08-28T17:02:00.000-07:00

trying to organize myself

can you give yourself ocd? i mean, can it develop and stuff, i bet it can

cultivating some ocd in the garden of my soul

hints to become more organized

twenty seven ways to be get rid of things

ocd organizing tips

getting things done

i think when self improvement blogs and stuff use numbers to share tips, i feel more distracted and believe them less when they write in regular paragraph or even list form

damn bro excedrin forreal

2009-08-27T20:44:00.001-07:00

h.r. is in like 1 1/2 weeks. if j-dawg comes i'll stay in a cabin with her but if she doesn't

AW SHIT NIGGAS

blogging fucks up my heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeead yall. makes me feel different. i felt 'ril good' b4 i started writin this pizzost. while watching a shakespeare play i got rill distracted and paid attention to like 1/8 of what happened. imagined 'all sorts of things'. what if i had a baby. and like i would take care of it by myself and 'make it a awesome lil person'. but then it would be fucked because i'm fucked in a bad way. so it needs a dad i like a lot to strongly influence 'for ta better'. t to the the lizzle dawg yo, i thought while watching the play. he would be a 'stupendous' or 'helpful and kind and "highly intelligent" ' father. fuckin forgot how ta spell intelligent. umm... with a relevant perspective. just thought of a negative fatherly characteristic of his but then forgot b.c. of shite spelling abilitiez. yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall.

jamie lynn spears

feel 'great' today and felt 'okay to good' yesterday.

POSSIBLE REAZIZZLES

secret excitement about h.r. & school tho ' "in reality" etc' they'll suck water with shite in it. hehe. yaaaaaaaaaall. what if other humans could SEE MY SECRET THOUGHTS. fuckkkkkk. musicovery.com is ta shizzle. feel 'hella culturally irrelevant' b.c. of saying things like "-izzle" and "ta" instead of "the". yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall. t-bro doesn't use single quotes now he uses le double quote. awwwww nawwwwwww

newayz

i should use my digital camera more

and buy keut clothes n makeup n go on walks n ride my bizzle to schizzle lolizzle

izzle seems rizzle fun despite culturizzle irrelevance

j dizzle said to give her my new blog link

i was like dizzle my nigga, aint tellin you shit about my new location bra

that shit just

cant get to the wrong eyes

na mizzle, dizzle

lol-izzle

i should write songs, uh huh uh huh

newayz

went to a plizzle with my parents and some nigga they know and feel bad for

feel bad for having asshole feelings all the time

it was okay, he was smart in a bookish way, causing everyone to get along splendidly, having that characteristic in common

went to produce jizzle with patrizzle earlier and she talked about the um geography or demography of en why sizzle (aka l'apple grande) (damn you a pretentious ho yo, it's coo cause nabody can see that shizzle lol) hehehe. sounds 'awesome' and shit. 'fo rizzle want to go to cogizzle there naw aka now' plus 'i can chizzle with the dizzle all the tizzle'

lol yo, fuckin lovin these izzles case you hadn't notizzled

also... realized something and then forgot

fuckkkkkk yaaaaaaaaaalll

i'm 'high on excedrin sort of'

plus had a caramel macchiato at the new targizzle with p grizzle, which is poppppppppppin btw

probably that's 'severely effectin ma moodz'

and makin me a 'crazy dizzle'

'dizzle' in this case not being any specific noun with an izzle added but instead an onamonapeia for crazy. in the style of 'all of a dither' or 'in a tizzy'

damn strizzaight

wonder what my loyal fans would thing of this new style etc i'm evolving

ALL TWO OF EM

hehehehehehhehehehehehehheheheheee

sometimes i find things 'extremely funnizzly' and think 'hehehehehehehhehehehehe' and feel like, a 'physical sensation of amusement', perhaps

at hickory dizzle i'm probablizzle just gonna chizzle in the forest all day with some headphones and a bottle of patron

not really but I SHOULDDDDDDDDD YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

need to ...stop compromising myself

seems like this blog post is compromising myself, should i go erase all the izzles? haha, 'as if' i am going to do that at all

caffeine has a strong effect on me

YoooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

bought nutella at targizzle

newayz guess that's all i wanted to say

seems like a good idea to have t lizzle's baby, wish i knew how to manipulate everything to make that happen

seems like life is a giant manipulation contest sometimes like...specially in my family context

wish i could...like make, friends

like, at school...and in life

newayz, gonna go now.... and do nothing or hulu or listen to music on my dad's poppin expensive ass or 'expensive ass' headphones

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

2009-08-22T20:54:00.000-07:00

feel really stupid

shitttttttttttttt

read on a facebook note, someone from my high school that i used to go to is taking all AP classes this year

feel so stupid, and bad like a cabbage robo brain or whatever

i'm hungry

i feel terrible

just did stuff with my family

my sister said maybe i'm clinically depressed

i'd feel okay/good about that, or something, a good excuse and way to feel lots less guilty about being an 'overall shithead'

feel like people just stumbling across my blog randomly will definitely think i'm an absolute shithead possibly because i am one

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

heh. heh,

2009-08-15T00:17:00.000-07:00

fuck-the-world-irony

seems true sometimes

will feel stupid if people discover this

however feel like it's an 'amusing risk'

when i imagine myself living up to my 'fuck the world irony' potential, i wear a lot more bright colors and 'have meaner eyes perhaps'

hehehe

quotation marks seem 'really funny' and 'consistently' cause me to 'giggle inwardly'

it's 3.20am, i'm in my room in bed, secrets

listen to the adventures of gh...osthorse and stillb...orn by co......cor....osie

90percent sure the dot dot dots dont make a difference when searching uhh what should id o

g2g

hope life gets better and i get more confident

supermodell

see mama

in the night , coldest story ever told, somewhere far along this road lost his soul

2009-08-14T19:12:00.001-07:00

feel stupid

don't feel smart

pretty sure i'm "just another stupid asshole"

uh oh

jenny briggs is not her name, haha what a name, seems irish, right?

2009-08-14T19:10:00.000-07:00

is this going to be a poem

what if i started using capital letters

i feel "really stupid"

i'll never "make friends" easily

jenny briggs will always make friends more easily than i will

she is smiling or successfully interacting in all of her facebook pictures

90% more easily

feels bad

i thought "i want to shovel cocoa powder into my mouth. that would make a good poem" and then opened wordpad

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

all the music in my itunes library is...unsatisfying

can't figure out why, is it because they drew blood this morning and i'm tired

today my d...ad came home

lol

and now i feel weird

everything feel weird

i hope i work hard this school year

i like sufjan stevens

now i'll go fix my ipod and make it only have songs i find satisfying on it

oh god oh shit, uh oh

i'm smart i think

2009-08-13T15:57:00.000-07:00

hehehhehhe

not going to use any proper names so that

NO ONE WILL EVER FIND THIS BLOG

HAHAHA

my parents

are bad

when i was little i had lots of brothers and sisters to help me, then they went to college now i'm 1.....7 and very sad and fucked

i don't think it's wrong to steal or have sex outside of marriage or say 'fuck'

i will never be able to connect to another human, probably

i mean, probably i will never be able to interact with another human in a meaningful honest way

i just cant or something

but this seems okay if i was really smart and productive and clean

instead i have acne and eat a lot and waste so so much time time

anyway i like writing and then publishing it to the internet but i deleted my old blog in order to stay alive, jk, just bc my mom already found it but it doesnt really matter bc she already told my dad, but i dont want it there now, all my siblings read it or something, i feel fucked